guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i will never coherently bang her
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
