Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
