just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
