Soap is not a condiment
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is the high leading the old right now
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
