Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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