Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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