i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
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I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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