If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
