i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
