Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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