Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
