i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You dont lie about slip and slides
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
