Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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