you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
