Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
