So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
