I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
