My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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