I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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