can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
