jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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