I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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