So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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