Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
