But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize