You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
