I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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