So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
