i love accidental penises.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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