After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
