Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
