White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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