I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
