i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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