this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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