I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
