either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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