Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
