You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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