Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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