we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Someone shattered a urinal.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
