If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I believe in your delicious
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
