Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
