I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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