You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
