Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
