this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
