Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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