so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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