Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize