I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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