Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
