I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
