party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
