Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
