If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
