Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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