that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
