when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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