cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
