it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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