You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
