Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
