I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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