So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
