The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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