I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
