bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
