you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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