First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
