I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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