So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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