omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
