highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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